


All the Stars

by SpecSeven



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotions, F/M, Heavy Angst, IN SPACE!, Post rebels, Post-Canon, Star Wars rebels - Freeform, Weird Plot Shit, kanera - Freeform, weird force shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 23:15:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14271663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpecSeven/pseuds/SpecSeven
Summary: Hera Syndulla has just barely survived the Battle of Jakku. While in the bacta tank, she confronts a spectre from the past.[This is a revision/update  of "You're Not Here (Alternate Version)". I wrote that fic before S4 aired, and it needed to be changed in accordance with the events of S4. Even if you've read it before, you might find that there are some things that are very different in this version.]





	1. Chapter 1

At first, there was nothing. No sight, sound or self. And then, gradually, a vague feeling of buoyancy, of floating to the surface of a warm, black sea. At the periphery, there was a soft buzzing that was oddly comforting.

Eventually, though, the buzzing grew louder, resolving into the sounds of machines at work, and voices.

"General Syndulla. Can you hear me?"

This voice, speaking close to her ear, brought Hera abruptly, shockingly back to herself. Her wide, frantic eyes searched her location and the face just within her line of sight; she was in a med bay, and the woman's face was one she didn't recognize. The woman, presumably a member of the medical staff, took quick note of Hera's anxious expression. "You're aboard the medical frigate  _Epione_ , General," she murmured in a soothing tone. "Your ship suffered a critical hit and you crashed on Jakku. You have serious internal injuries and broken bones, so you must try to lie still."

Hera took stock of what she recalled about the information she'd just been given. There had been a shuddering blast, she remembered, followed by blaring klaxons and Chopper's garbled warnings. She'd seen the sands of Jakku rushing up, too fast, much too fast. There hadn't been enough time. She remembered the sound of her own voice:  _Brace for impact!_

Her beloved ship had slammed into the sand, convulsing and breaking apart around her; her mind replayed all the horrifying noises it had made. There had been pain- too much pain. And above it all, she distinctly remembered the shock of hearing Kanan's voice calling her name.

Then, nothing.

Nothing, until now- and now, suddenly, she felt  _everything_. Her body came back to her as searing, stabbing, agonizing pain.

Hera screamed, the sound tearing at her throat as it ripped out of her. Every muscle in her body clenched, setting fire to her nerves. Almost immediately, she was immobilized by some unseen force, likely to keep her from doing more damage to herself.

The unfamiliar face above her disappeared. A moment later, she heard the woman's soft voice again: "Something for the pain." Hera felt a cold flush in one arm as the medicine was injected.

Several long, terrible seconds passed, and then the torment finally began to abate.

Hera could hear a steady pounding inside her skull, and just beyond that, people talking in hushed tones. She could only catch bits and pieces of what they said:

"...lucky to be alive. The droid saved her..."

"We're prepping the bacta tank now that she's more stable..."

"...could be months of recovery and physical therapy..."

As the analgesic took hold, she began to drift in and out of consciousness. She listened to the voices, but remained detached from what they were saying- until something caught her full attention.

"She kept mentioning someone named Kanan. Is that someone we can contact?"

Now she finally heard a voice she recognized- Zeb's. Relief washed over her, but only for a moment.

"No." Zeb's voice was rough. "Not unless you can contact someone who's been dead for years."

The pain that pierced through Hera at Zeb's words was, in many ways, far worse than the physical trauma. There were no painkillers, no bacta tanks, that could ever relieve it. The dull ache in her heart would be there as long as she breathed.

For just one brief moment, Hera wished that she had broken apart along with her ship. She wished Chopper had not saved her. She was so tired; tired of fighting, tired of missing him. Tired of pain, and sleepless nights, and unshed tears.

But the moment passed quickly; giving up was not in her nature, even in the face of insurmountable odds.

Exhausted, Hera allowed the medicine to pull her towards unconsciousness. Her mind strayed into dreams and memories, and she saw images of her childhood on Ryloth, and of her mother, father and brother. She saw herself learning to fly, and the fight with her father that was the catalyst for leaving home. And then she was back on Ryloth again, many years later, and the sun was rising as her body was turned inside out by pain. She saw her son's newborn face in the bright light of morning, his head haloed by the sparkling damp green fluff of his hair. Her fingers traced the downy eyebrows that could only have come from Kanan. More memories sped past her: her father, on one of her frequent trips to her home planet, with his grandson on his knee; the beloved face of her child, over and over, every day more startlingly like Kanan than the last.

_Kanan._

Her mind's eye shifted, and she saw herself crouched in the dazzling caverns on Cynda, watching him. She saw him in a dark alley on Gorse, and then smirking in a seedy bar. Grinning at her with an undeniable boyish charm. She watched a catwalk crashing down on her, and there was Kanan with his arm extended and brow furrowed, saving her life. The images began to come more quickly; hundreds of memories of him in seconds. She heard Kanan's voice again, his laugh. She saw his face, as she'd first seen it: young, rakish, with eyes that told a different story than the one he presented. And then his face as she'd last seen it, lit by the flames he held back; his eyes, seeing her again for the final time. She heard her screams as he was engulfed by the explosion, felt again the terrible agony of that moment.

And then, suddenly, Hera was sitting in the cockpit of the  _Ghost_ , as it floated in some lonely corner of space. She caught her breath and glanced around with wide eyes. Where was she? It looked and smelled just like her ship, and everything about it felt absolutely real. She was  _there_. But how could that be? She'd very recently been lying broken in a med bay, just as the same ship she sat in now had been lying broken in the sand on Jakku.

The sound of footsteps moving up the corridor towards the cockpit brought speculation about her current location to an abrupt halt. She had believed she was alone. In shock, she realized that she knew those footsteps as well as she knew her own. It couldn't be...

Hera sat in her chair with her back to the door, paralyzed. She could feel his presence behind her, and his eyes on her, but she couldn't make herself turn around. What if she turned, and he wasn't really there? What if this was all some hallucination, brought on by the drugs she'd been given aboard the medical frigate? She stared out into the sparkling expanse of space, trying to hold herself together by sheer force of will- a feat she'd accomplished so many times before. But the idea of Kanan standing patiently behind her, as he so often had in life- whether it was real or not- had already begun to pry her apart. All the pain she had never fully let herself feel grew inside her, unchecked. When the grief was fresh, it had seemed to her like a bottomless, black chasm. She'd stood on the precipice, terrified that one step over the edge would cause her to fall in and, outwardly, to fall apart. But breaking down had simply not been an option. So she'd stepped back from the edge, despite what it cost her to put her grief over Kanan aside and move forward. And now, confronted with the possibility of seeing him again, she was utterly overwhelmed, overcome, and her heart was breaking all over again. The lump in her throat began to ache, and her eyes burned; she could not hold it back any longer. She burst into tears, wracked with anguish and weeping uncontrollably.

"Hera."

She did not turn, but she let out an involuntary sob at hearing his voice again. The footsteps came up behind her seat.

"You're not really here," she said, her voice thick with tears and disbelief.

"Neither are you. Turn around."

She slowly swiveled the chair. Her eyes fell on his boots, but she could not make herself look up. And then he dropped to his knees in front of her.

Kanan looked much as he had prior to her capture on Lothal- bearded, with long hair- but his scars were gone. No longer blind, his blue-green eyes were glowing with love for her.

She sobbed again, but this time, the pain was combined with joy at seeing his face.

"You  _are_  here," she gasped, reaching for him.

He pulled her out of her seat and into his arms, hugging her tightly. She pressed her face into his shoulder, her tears soaking his tunic.

"I didn't think I would ever see you again," she whispered against his neck.

"I know. Look at me, Hera."

She looked up; Kanan's face was wet with tears, too. Their eyes locked, and he pulled her even closer and crushed his lips against hers. Hera could taste the salt of their mingled tears on her tongue, and the warm, familiar scent of him filled her nostrils. She clung to him, wishing she could merge their beings into one, so that she would never have to be without him again.

Time passed, or maybe it didn't; Hera didn't know, and didn't care. She would have stayed there with him forever, sitting on the floor of her ship, floating in this mysterious place.

"Where are we? Am I...dead?" She recalled the battle above Jakku and the crash. Had that been real? Was this real? She felt that she couldn't be sure of anything; Kanan was gone, and yet he felt very real indeed. Not a single one of her countless dreams of him had ever been this accurate or substantial. It  _had_  to be real.

Kanan considered her questions for a long moment, a little crease appearing between his brows. She'd seen that expression on his face so many times, and seeing it again made her heart ache with loss.

"You're not dead," he said finally. "But you're closer to it than you've ever been before. And...I'm not sure exactly what or where this place is. It might be a manifestation of the Force."

Hera tangled her fingers in his beard, unperturbed by his explanation. Her time with Kanan had given her ample reason to believe that almost anything was within the realm of possibility. "It must be- I'm sure I could never dream something so real. How is it that you're here?"

"I'm here because you're here," he murmured, leaning into her hands on his face, and kissing her forehead.

"Where were you before that?"

He shrugged. "That's hard to explain. The Jedi would have said that I became one with the cosmic Force when I died. So...I guess that's where I was. And now I'm here, with you." He grinned sheepishly, and Hera's heart thudded painfully against her ribs at the sight of his smile. Despite her joy at seeing him again, she had not forgotten that she now had an opportunity to say all the things she had foolishly avoided saying when he was alive. Things that had left her feeling guilty and fractured in the long years following his death.

"Kanan..." she whispered, averting her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"I should have listened to you," she said, her voice raw with the torment of her guilt. "I shouldn't have dragged you into a war you didn't want to be a part of. If I had just listened to you, you'd still be alive. It's been hard without you...so hard. I had no idea how hard it would be. We were risking our lives every day, but...I took it for granted that you would always be there, just like you always had been, and when you weren't...and I didn't even tell you..."

She was crying again, and he pulled her closer with a deep sigh.

"You know, there are some advantages to becoming one with the Force," he said, in a deceptively light tone. "I know and understand things I could never have known or understood while I was alive. I remember my life- and my death- with complete clarity."

That final mental image of Kanan engulfed in flames was one Hera wished she could forget, and at the same time would not give up for anything. Recalling it never failed to deliver a swift punch to the gut, though, and she winced.

Kanan sighed again. "I'm sorry, too. What I did was cruel."

"What?" she asked, dismayed. "What do you mean? You saved us."

"And that's the only thing I was thinking about in that moment- until I saw your face, Hera. No one wants to inflict that much pain on the person he loves." He paused, brushing his fingers along her jawline and the curve of her neck. "I asked Ezra to take the lead on the mission to rescue you because my feelings were clouded- I couldn't be objective. I was afraid of making a mistake. But when I saw the fuel depot, I changed Ezra's plan. I was sure the Empire would never risk their fuel supply trying to kill us. It was a terrible misjudgment on my part, because I let my emotions get in the way of what I needed to do. The only thing I cared about was keeping you and our son safe."

Hera knew better than to be shocked, but she was unprepared for the surge of emotion that slammed into her. "You knew," she murmured.

Kanan's smile was wistful. "I felt him in the Force."

"I should have told you," she said, her voice breaking. "I stupidly thought that there was time...I didn't think I was going to lose you. And...I was scared. Telling you would have made it real, and I wasn't ready to face that reality yet. I never thought about having children- why would I? I didn't know if any of us were going to make it from one day to the next. The  _last_  thing I ever wanted to do was bring a child into a galaxy ruled by the Empire. But I should have told you. We would have figured it out together, the way we always did."

"We would have," Kanan agreed. "But I understand why you didn't tell me, Hera." His tone was light, but his eyes were full of love and compassion. "I was there with you, you know. The morning he was born. Wouldn't have missed it- even death couldn't keep me away."

Hera's mouth fell open, and then- to her own great surprise- she laughed. "That's such a Kanan thing to say," she told him.

His face broke into a grin.

"How, though?" she asked. Her labor had been long, and her memories were somewhat muddled by exhaustion and sadness. But she remembered the moments of Jacen's birth clearly, and at the time, she'd been certain that Kanan was there- so certain, in fact, that she'd frightened the midwife by actually talking to him. She'd later told herself that she imagined it, that it was just a delusion induced by stress and pain.

Kanan shook his head. "I don't know. I wasn't  _really_  there, obviously. But, somehow, I was present. The Loth-wolves...they taught me a little bit about the living Force. Maybe that's why I was able to be there. I might have become one with the Force, but that doesn't mean I understand it all that much better than I did when I was alive." He chuckled, shaking his head.

She stared at him in wonder. "I'm glad you were there. I felt that you were. Somehow."

"No one is ever really gone, Hera," he said.

"But you  _are_  gone," she said. "I can't teach Jacen the way you would have. And Ezra..."

Hera fell silent, looking away.

"There wasn't anything you could have done. Ezra made his decision; you wouldn't have been able to stop him."

She looked up at him. "Do you know everything that's happened?"

"I know what I need to know. And I know that Ezra is still alive."

"He's alive?!" Hera was elated. The loss of Kanan, closely followed by Ezra, had at times been nearly too much to bear. At least with Kanan, there was no question. With Ezra, there were nothing  _but_  questions.

"Yes."

"What about Sabine and Ahsoka?"

"Their fates are less clear to me; I didn't have the same connection with them in life that I had with Ezra." Kanan paused, rubbing his beard. "But given what we know about them both, I think the chances of them still being alive are pretty good. Ezra is far from where he started, though, and finding him will be difficult."

Hera sighed. "I miss them all terribly. But I miss you most of all."

"I might not be beside you, but I'm still with you," Kanan murmured, rubbing her shoulder.

"It would've been easier if you'd been beside me," she said, and the moment the words passed her lips, she regretted them- but it was too late. Kanan winced, and she wanted to kick herself. All this time, she had believed herself alone in her grief. She had never imagined that there was any possibility that, wherever he was, he suffered along with her.

"I would give  _anything_  to be there with you, to help you." His voice shook a little as he spoke. The pain in his face was too much to bear, and Hera's eyes filled with tears again. "But even without me beside you, you did what you had to do. You kept fighting; you're raising Jacen. You've accomplished so much."

He wiped at her tears with his calloused fingers, and the smile he gave her was full of pride, mingled with terrible sadness. Hera's heart hurt. Looking at Kanan, she felt a keen sense of loss on behalf of her child, that he would never know his wonderful father.

He was quiet for a moment, studying her face. "You never needed me the way I needed you," he said, and even though his tone was matter-of-fact, there was a trace of anguish running beneath it.

Hera stared at him, aghast, and then shook her head vehemently. "No. I needed you just as much. But I never felt like I was allowed to want those things- not until the Empire was defeated. Wanting love, wanting a relationship with you, wanting anything personal at all- it seemed selfish to me, especially considering how much everyone in the galaxy was suffering. And I thought it would be a distraction from the mission. When you were gone, though, I realized how wrong I was. Love isn't a distraction; it's the force that sets hope in motion. Without love- without compassion- hope can't exist. Nothing we fought for would have mattered, without it. And until you were gone, I'm ashamed to say that I didn't fully understand that. I never really considered what you needed- what we  _both_  needed- or that it was okay to take something for ourselves, because our time was limited. I took so much for granted, Kanan. I couldn't give you what you really wanted, and I regret that now," she told him, and her voice was rough with emotion.

"There's nothing to regret. I understood the situation. I wasn't always happy about it, but it didn't really matter. The only thing that mattered to me was that we were together. I just wanted to be with you," he said, looking away from her gaze. They both knew he wasn't telling the whole truth, just to make her feel better. Kanan's feeble attempts at lying had often been in service of Hera's feelings, and as irritating as it had always been, she still loved him for it.

"You wanted more than that, Kanan, and I'm sorry that I couldn't give it to you. You never wanted to be a part of the Rebellion. I know that if I'd just said the word, you would've happily run off to Wild Space with me."

He chuckled softly and brushed her cheek with his fingertips. "I might have; that sounds great. But I knew you were never going to say that word. And I knew you were right not to."

Hera sighed. "Fighting  _was_  the right thing to do, but I don't know that I wouldn't just walk away, if I could do it all over- just to be with you. Jacen would've had a father."

"If you could do it over, you wouldn't just walk away, and you know it," Kanan said. "We didn't get the chance we deserved, and I didn't get to meet my son- those are the only things I'm truly sorry about. But you still have a chance to be happy, Hera...and I want you to use it."

She nodded slowly. "The fight isn't over yet, though."

"And until it is, you'll never stop trying to protect them- all of them- the whole Galaxy. You're a better Jedi than I ever was, that's for sure."

She raised an eyebrow as she ran her fingers through his beard. "That's not true."

He squeezed her. "You always knew how to make me feel better. Promise me that when the fight is over, you won't waste your chance to be happy."

"I won't," she promised. After all she'd been through, though, she doubted that she'd ever be able to be truly happy again, even if the fight ended.  _Especially_  if the fight ended. Who was Hera Syndulla, if she wasn't fighting for something?

They sat on the floor in the cockpit of the  _Ghost_ , the place where they'd fallen in love, cradled in each other's arms for a long time. Her head rested on his shoulder, and his cheek pressed against the top of her head. They reminisced in soft murmurs about their first few years together, laughing at their more ridiculous adventures, and all the things they'd once taken so seriously. She told him all about their son. Eventually, Hera felt her eyelids grow heavy, but she forced herself to stay awake.

"I love you, Hera," Kanan said, in a gentle tone. "I'll be here, waiting for you, when the time is right."

"I love you, too, Kanan...and I always will," she whispered. The light around them was dimming, and soon, she felt as though she was drifting among the stars, still wrapped in his arms...

Hera's eyes flew open, and immediately filled with fluid. She blinked, trying to clear it, and then she realized that she was floating in it.  _Bacta_ , she thought. And then-

_Kanan! Oh, stars, let me go back...let me go back..._

Someone tapped on the glass of the tank she was suspended within. A med droid. Hera tried to gesture-

_Put me back under! Whatever it was you gave me, give it to me again!_

The thoughts screamed painfully through her mind, but she couldn't speak due to the respirator in her mouth. She was completely insensible; she had finally stepped into the black chasm, and grief and longing tore her to pieces.

One of the medics came rushing in, and seeing her agitation, had the med droids pull her out of the tank. She ripped the respirator out of her mouth.

"Put me back!" she shouted. "I need to go back!"

The poor medic looked utterly baffled. "You want to go back into the tank?"

"Yes!" Hera yelled. "He was there! I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to say goodbye!"

The medic nodded at one of the droids, who quickly administered something to Hera to calm her. "You'll feel better soon," the medic told her, in a kind voice.

"No..." she moaned.

 _You still have a chance to be happy, Hera...and I want you to use it_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I revised the original draft, which I wrote before season four aired, to better reflect what happened in season four. It can stand alone, I suppose. But I hope you'll read the next part, because some things have changed from the original draft.


	2. Chapter 2

The days went by, and Hera's injuries slowly healed. She'd been transferred to the best medical facility on Chandrila, where she excelled at physical therapy and threw herself fully into any task they gave her. Spinal and internal injuries were, nonetheless, extremely challenging obstacles to overcome, no matter how hard she worked. Chopper had been completely repaired, and he was there by her side. Friends came and went, and they found her much the same as they always had. She spoke to Jacen every day, knowing her holo-image didn't quite betray how battered and broken she still was. She and her father had decided that it was best to wait until she was more fully herself before seeing him again; still, she longed to feel his small arms around her neck, and see his blue eyes twinkling up at her.

Zeb and Alexsandr, who had been in occasional contact over the previous few weeks of her convalescence, appeared one day with the remnants of her ship. They'd spent weeks scouring the deserts of Jakku in search of the parts that had been scavenged, and had been able to recover a great deal of what was taken. Overjoyed, Hera asked how they'd managed to recover so much of her ship. Zeb cradled one huge fist with his other hand and said, "We just made the best offers. You know, 'give us that part, and we won't kill you and just take it anyway'." His booming laugh was music to her ears.

With the fighting over and the remainder of the Empire chased from the galaxy, Hera had felt at a loss for ways to occupy her time until she was fully recovered, and could get back to teaching. Putting the  _Ghost_  back together would do nicely. Chopper, by her side as always, had already begun complaining about the amount of work he'd have to do.

Hera's doctors didn't bother trying to discourage her from working on her ship, which was smart of them. Her injuries included some mild nerve damage, and her doctors and physical therapists agreed that using the fine motor skills required for working on the ship would probably help. She could have had mechanics on Chandrila put the ship back together for her, better than new, but it seemed very important to do it herself. Not that people didn't offer their help continually- Leia Organa and Han Solo, new parents to a dark-haired baby named Ben, stopped by frequently to see how things were going. Han, who seemed to be having a hard time settling in to his new role as a father, was always offering his help- often in the form of advice that Hera neither wanted nor needed. Leia's amused and knowing smile always helped Hera smother her exasperation. Chopper, on the other hand, took rare but twisted pride in his own work by using every crude word at his disposal to describe the  _Millennium Falcon_.

Life had slowly begun to return to normal for Hera, with friends new and old around to help out. She knew she would overcome the physical impairments in time. Emotionally, however, Hera felt much more deeply wounded. The aftermath of her meeting with Kanan had been difficult. She talked to psychiatrists, who of course could never quite believe her story. They all told her that she was finally coping with the profound grief over Kanan's death, and that it would just take time to process. But it was more than that. Hera Syndulla, born into war, no longer had a war to fight. She didn't know how to slow down and live an ordinary life. So she focused on putting her ship back together, and on Jacen, who would be coming to Chandrila from Ryloth in a week's time.

One afternoon, a few days before Jacen was due to arrive, she was working on installing a brand new hyperdrive and heard Chopper give a loud, excited whoop from beneath the ship. He started chattering nonsensically, and she wondered if he was malfunctioning- he was, after all, very old.

She shimmied out from the crevice she'd wedged herself into while soldering some wiring, and made her way down to Chopper, who was still bleating nearly hysterically. When she saw him and what he was hysterical about, though, she almost followed suit with her own nonsensical noise.

Standing on the tarmac beneath the  _Ghost_  was Ezra, Sabine...and Kanan.

Hera collapsed.

When she came to, she was lying in another med bay, and her head was pounding.

"Hello?" she said loudly, trying to lift her head with no success. Had she imagined everything? What was going on? She felt something like panic rising within her.

Ezra came striding into the room just as Hera was getting ready to start yelling. He seemed taller, thinner- he was wearing Chandrilan clothes, but he looked strange in them, somehow. His smile, though, was just the same as she remembered.

"Ezra!" she gasped. " _What is going on?_  Was that...have I lost my mind?"

Ezra laughed gently. "Hey, Hera. It's nice to see you, too. No, you're not losing your mind. But I'm sorry we surprised you like that...in hindsight, it wasn't the smartest move. You can blame Kanan, I guess...he didn't want to wait to see you."

" _Kanan_...?" Hera said, her voice rising. She couldn't form a complete sentence, so she just said, "HOW?"

Ezra cleared his throat and frowned a little. "It's hard to explain, honestly. At least, it's hard to explain quickly, and I don't think you're going to have the patience for a long story right now. You remember the Jedi Temple on Lothal and the portals I told you about? And how I pulled Ahsoka out of one of them?"

Hera nodded.

"Well...Ahsoka and I figured there were probably other access points to that place, and we found one. But, ahhh...it was different this time. One of the portals, well...there was this Loth-wolf just kind of sitting there on the other side, like it was waiting for me to show up. And then it was gone, and Kanan was there. I nearly fell over, Hera. If Ahsoka hadn't been there, I wouldn't have believed it. I mean, we didn't, at first. But then he called my name- he could see us- and I didn't even think, I just reached in and grabbed him and pulled him through."

Hera shook her head, stunned. "I don't understand."

Ezra shrugged. "I didn't really understand how it worked the first time around, and it's not any clearer to me now. But it's him, Hera."

"He's dead. We both saw it happen," she said. "How can it be him?"

Ezra shrugged again. "I have no idea. But it is."

And then he was there, standing in the doorway.

He was not blind, but his face still bore the faint scars of Maul's lightsaber. His hair was shorter but growing out, and there was some stubble on his face. They stared at each other, and Hera couldn't hear anything over the pounding of her own heart.

Ezra flashed them both a grin and slipped out.

"Hi," he said, his voice uncertain.

"Is it really you?" she demanded.

"I'm pretty sure it is, yeah." One corner of his mouth lifted slightly, and Hera wanted to weep at the sight of that little, familiar smirk.

"How is it you? I watched you die. I talked to you after you died."

"Yeah, I remember that. Sort of."

" _You remember that?"_  she asked, incredulous. "How? My head hurts."

"I don't know, Hera. I remember having a conversation with you on the  _Ghost_ , but it seems more like a dream to me than something that actually happened. I remember the fuel pod and the explosion, and then there was this white light...and then I was standing in a tunnel with a Loth-wolf, and it lead me to that portal, and Ezra and Ahsoka were standing on the other side. I didn't know what was going on- I thought I was dead- I thought they were probably dead, too. And then Ezra reached through, and I grabbed his hand and stepped to the other side. They told me everything that's happened, and I've got to say, very little of that was helpful in convincing me that I wasn't dead, to be honest. Ezra was telling me about the Purrgil and Thrawn, and saving Ahsoka from Vader by pulling her through a portal in the Lothal Jedi Temple, and Sabine was telling me about TWO Death Stars, that that's what they were using the kyber crystals for, and all kinds of other crazy stuff...telling me about about our kid..."

Here, Kanan smiled, and his eyes lit up. "Is he here on Chandrila?"

Hera couldn't help but smile back. "He'll be here in a couple of days...he was staying with my father on Ryloth while I was recuperating."

Kanan's face fell just a little. "Oh. Okay."

"Come here," she said, and in a flash, he was sitting next to her on the exam table.

"Is it okay if I...I don't want to hurt you," he said, looking at her with blatant longing.

She gazed into his blue-green eyes and saw no one other than the person she'd loved for so many years. "It'll hurt more if you don't," she murmured, and then his lips were on hers as he gathered her into his arms.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, well, first of all, this kind of got cut short because someone who shall remain nameless was hassling me to stop writing and pay attention to him (it was my husband). I will be working on it again soon, because Kanan needs to meet his kid. 
> 
> Second, yeah, I know this is totally bonkers. But hey, when you create a world between worlds with a bunch of crazy time portals, it's basically an invitation for fic writers to change the whole thing to their liking and then shrug and say "Hey- Weird Force Shit!" Granted, there's no real precedent for anyone coming back from the dead yet in Star Wars (although, I mean, a lot of people should have been dead long before they were), but whatever. Kanan kind of turned into a Loth-wolf or something, so...all I'm saying is that a lot of bonkers shit happens in Star Wars. Coming back from the dead really is not outside of the realm of possibility, as far as I'm concerned. 
> 
> I thought I would do some googling, though, just to see if there was something I'd forgotten or missed, and found this write up: https://dorksideoftheforce.com/2018/01/28/luke-skywalker-return-dead-episode-ix/
> 
> The main thing here being that George Lucas, at one time, considered giving Jedi the ability to return to life. So I guess there is the tiniest and vaguest of precedents. 
> 
> Aside from that, I just wanted a happy ending. I started revising that original fic, and it took me awhile because damn, it was SO depressing. I watched "Jedi Night" like five times, for research purposes, and I felt awful. I started writing this chapter as kind of an epilogue, and then the thought occurred to me: why not just bring Kanan back? What the hell, right? And, like I said, time portals and all the crazy stuff that's happened in Star Wars wasn't exactly a deterrent. I don't really have a good theory on why Kanan came back, though (I love that I'm trying to come up with theories on my own ridiculous ideas). Maybe the Force sent him back for a reason. Maybe it was to keep his son far, far away from any and all Skywalkers. Maybe the Force decided not to be an asshole, for once. Maybe it was those damn Loth-wolves. 
> 
> Anyway, this is a rollercoaster and a mess and I'm sorry. But I'm also happy because, damn it, Kanan and Hera deserved this much better ending. 
> 
> "All the Stars" is a Robert Hunter lyric (and also a damn good song by Kendrick Lamar and SZA, which I happened to be listening to a lot while working on this, thanks to the Black Panther soundtrack). It's from a Grateful Dead song called "Built to Last" and goes:
> 
> All the stars are gone but one
> 
> Morning breaks, here comes the sun
> 
> Cross the sky now, sinking fast
> 
> Show me something built to last


End file.
